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Monday, September 10, 2018

17 years later

Emotional day...17 years later and still I cry........how could I not ...... 

I hesitate and think about what I'm about to write next. Since after all this is a stitching blog.... But today was a really hard emotional day for me. I'm not sure if it was "post traumatic stress" since I really don't like that term. I live in Las Vegas now but that wasn't so 5 years ago on this date. I lived in NY and was working in the city at my hospital that I had worked at for over 20 years....It was on the Upper East Side....a few miles from ground zero as it's known now. I was in charge...yes I'm a nurse and the news hit....communications went down. I have chills just writing this now. The tears are coming.... We all know the stories all too well. For me it was the absolute silence. Work was hectic to a degree....getting in touch with family members for patients, watching it on the news, the O.R. closed, telling those patients what had happened, and waiting for what to do next..... I worked at a non trauma hospital....so we weren't receiving victims.....I do remember watching and seeing the hospitals closest to the Towers.....no victims were coming in.....everyone was ready and waiting and nothing just nothing.... I remember an older male patient said while watching the news that "he" was your generations "Hitler". And I knew he was right. I could see the 59th Street Bridge and the only thing moving across it was a mass of people...no cars no buses. The city was in complete and utter lockdown....I didn't have time to be scared then...there were patients to care for and calm. I guess I put my feeling on hold and here they are...... Later that night I went out to get something to eat since I was sleeping at the hospital.....and there were no buses no cars no taxis no ambulances, just the occasional police car....on one of the busiest avenues in the city!!!!The silence was terrifying!!! The sheer and utter silence was like nothing I had ever experienced. Even the next night when I did get home it was eerie and unnerving. The thing that stood out besides the silence was absolutely no planes overhead. I lived between Laguardia and JFK airports and the planes were a fact of life. And to not hear them was crazy scary. I jumped the first time after they started up again. Several people ask me why I live in Vegas....lots of reasons come to mind but the first and foremost.....NY became to scary for me. Me a life long New Yorker.....I never ever was going to move. Why move everything is there.....you name it.....especially food delivery at 2am even!! After 9/11 taking the subway all I could think was these are the people I'm going to die with! Not a pleasant thought to have everyday twice a day..... This is the first time I've put this into words on paper so to speak so I hope it makes sense. If it does good if it doesn't oh well...

4 comments:

  1. I remember your post after this happened.
    What bad memories for you.
    I think I would've moved also, too scary.
    Sending you ((((((HUGS))))))
    Take care.
    Marilyn

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  2. There aren't really adequate words, so just sending a gentle hug. <3

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  3. I'm thinking it is healthy for you to write your experience. Time and space really don't diminish the fear and pain a person has over what happened. I see 17 years ago, and I think," almost 2 decades now". And then, I see a picture of towers that no longer exist. The effect is many emotions, and profound sadness.
    God bless.

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  4. I am a Canadian who lives in New Brunswick and I was working in a hotel and I cried when I saw the planes hit the tower and I still cry for you who had to suffer thru that horrible day. the pain never leaves but I am glad you are safe. I feel your pain and send you the biggest hugs. love from a Canadian who will NEVER FORGET. LOVE

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Would you like a cup of tea? Earl Grey or Prince of Wales perhaps or even Lady Grey or maybe Winterberry or we can have a look in the cupboard I have an ever growing stash of tea......... Thanks for visiting with me!!!!

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