Losses

We've all suffered a loss or losses in our lives. Tonight I'm just feeling the hurt a bit more than usual ...it came on slowly like a thief in the night except in the reverse ..it stayed. I've learned through the years how to manage my loss and the feelings that come with it in the dead of the night.....tonight they won't be managed....happens sometimes. I'm really not feeling sorry for myself. If you've read my blog you know that my sister passed away 16 years ago. And that I still miss her... She was my mirror, my reflection. My dad passed away this past february I'm not sure I wrote about that event. He was real sick in the end with emphysema on home O2, home hospice and like the stubborn irishman that he be ...he wouldn't give up. I still can't figure that one out....I never will. What I do know is that he is breathing easier now and that is a comfort to me. Maybe that sounds completely selfish and maybe it is but until you see someone you love basically almost suffocate in order to breathe you won't understand. I made it there the night before and held his hand and whispered in his ear that I loved him but that it was okay to let go. I'm not cold hearted I just wanted him to breathe easier and I believe he is. People say you get over the pain of loss I never bought that! Tell me how you get over pain and loss in 10 easy steps or even 100 and I still won't buy it! I truly believe that you simply incorporate the pain into your being and learn how to live with it. My sister made such a big impact on and in my life that I can't imagine ever getting over her nor do I want to. And dad is the same but on a different level in a different way. My grief for them is mine...... I don't know where this came from but my guess is it's been just below the surface. Thanks for reading and if you didn't that's fine too.