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Wednesday, September 11, 2013

A re-post........12 years later....

Emotional day...

I hesitate and think about what I'm about to write next. Since after all this is a stitching blog.... But today was a really hard emotional day for me. I'm not sure if it was "post traumatic stress" since I really don't like that term. I live in Las Vegas now but that wasn't so 5 years ago on this date. I lived in NY and was working in the city at my hospital that I had worked at for over 20 years....It was on the Upper East Side....a few miles from ground zero as it's known now. I was in charge...yes I'm a nurse and the news hit....communications went down. I have chills just writing this now. The tears are coming.... We all know the stories all too well. For me it was the absolute silence. Work was hectic to a degree....getting in touch with family members for patients, watching it on the news, the O.R. closed, telling those patients what had happened, and waiting for what to do next..... I worked at a non trauma hospital....so we weren't receiving victims.....I do remember watching and seeing the hospitals closest to the Towers.....no victims were coming in.....everyone was ready and waiting and nothing just nothing.... I remember an older male patient said while watching the news that "he" was your generations "Hitler". And I knew he was right. I could see the 59th Street Bridge and the only thing moving across it was a mass of people...no cars no buses. The city was in complete and utter lockdown....I didn't have time to be scared then...there were patients to care for and calm. I guess I put my feeling on hold and here they are...... Later that night I went out to get something to eat since I was sleeping at the hospital.....and there were no buses no cars no taxis no ambulances, just the occasional police car....on one of the busiest avenues in the city!!!!The silence was terrifying!!! The sheer and utter silence was like nothing I had ever experienced. Even the next night when I did get home it was eerie and unnerving. The thing that stood out besides the silence was absolutely no planes overhead. I lived between Laguardia and JFK airports and the planes were a fact of life. And to not hear them was crazy scary. I jumped the first time after they started up again. Several people ask me why I live in Vegas....lots of reasons come to mind but the first and foremost.....NY became to scary for me. Me a life long New Yorker.....I never ever was going to move. Why move everything is there.....you name it.....especially food delivery at 2am even!! After 9/11 taking the subway all I could think was these are the people I'm going to die with! Not a pleasant thought to have everyday twice a day..... This is the first time I've put this into words on paper so to speak so I hope it makes sense. If it does good if it doesn't oh well...

4 comments:

  1. I'm speechless Juls. Unfortunately I don't know you all that well so I didn't realize that you came from NY. To have witnessed the tragedy and chaos first hand, I just can't imagine what that would be like. You are brave to write this post and to expose your raw feelings. Sending you strength to get through this day and some cyber hugs :)

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  2. I can't imagine how you must feel, but writing about it could be good. I currently live in the UK & I can assure you the whole entire world was shocked by this tragedy. I remember stopping work & every one was watching the news on their PC. The day before I booked my tickets to come & visit NYC... We still came 6 months later & were in tears seeing the memorials & pictures of missing people... When we left, the 2 big rememberance lights were switched on for the first time. We took off & could see them from the aeroplane. So so sad that such a horrible thing has happened. I don't blame you for moving away, daily life must have never be the same. Take care xx

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  3. Wow! I didn’t stop to think that you may have been there on that day. Thank God you were in the building you were in, and not one of the towers. It’s a good thing that you moved and started over again. That is a very hard, and brave thing to do. What’s even braver is you still go back to NY to visit family. Good for you. This proves that you are healing. You and your family are in my prayers.

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  4. That was a very hard day for the whole world, I was in my country, Italy, and the silence hit all the way there, believe me.
    And life hasn't been the same for many of us after that. To leave a place and restart life elsewhere is a brave thing to do, and you did right by you.
    Hugs from Italy,
    Cinzia

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Would you like a cup of tea? Earl Grey or Prince of Wales perhaps or even Lady Grey or maybe Winterberry or we can have a look in the cupboard I have an ever growing stash of tea......... Thanks for visiting with me!!!!

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